GRATITUDE

I want to take this moment, to at least try to acknowledge the things i am grateful for. In any given moment i find myself propelled to overlook and undermine whats right in front of me, because i find myself searching for things i do not have.

I AM grateful for every experience that has built me, shaped me and made me rethink the trajectory of my life. In moments when regret seems to seethe itself in my mind, as though its intent is to cripple me and to blind me. I have looked closely into my diabolical behaviors that brings nothing but shame and utter disappointment to me. And tried to find valuable lessons. I have come to the realization that its those foolish behaviors that really help one to contemplate the meaning of life. Through those behaviors that seemed to inflict pain at my own hand, i have learned the essence of pausing and looking closely to seek meaningful lessons that could later be used for the betterment of my being, so that i may be better for those around me.

I AM grateful for the gift of life, how loosely I have regarded myself. Being careless with the vessel I have been bestowed. Loosely letting my mind wonder to places that would not only bring harm to my vessel but to the way i regard life itself. Taking everything for granted; my voice, my limps, my sight and the very essence that makes me, ME. Today, i take a moment, despite the confusion of my thoughts and the fear of the unknown. To be grateful for the gift of life and to fully be open to experiences that comes with life.

I AM grateful for my MOTHER. There were definitely moments in my life, when i felt that she was very undeserving to have that title. Those days when i felt neglected and unloved. Moments were the very essence of a mother’s touch, her love and her devotion was critical for my development and understanding of myself as i navigated through this life. Days when i lay awake feeling shame, hurt and disappointment yet also feeling it was rather improper to feel as so, because i was raised to regard those emotions with so much hostility. But as i grow, become more aware of the harshness of life, i began to see clearly. i have come to the realization, that maybe just maybe, her own burdens of life were weighing her down. That tendering to a child was the least of her concerns. And she felt that its better to give somebody that burden than take it herself. I had moments when i loathed the very sight of my mother and moments when i questioned God for giving me such a mother. But overtime, things started to take a turn, and my mother felt like a mother. I AM grateful that God had preserved her this long, for me to see that side of her. To see a different touch of a mother’s love.